We are all in a different part of our journey to #holdbabieslovebodies. Alisha tells us about how her pregnancy, birth story, and her postpartum healing journey led her to #holdbabieslovebodies:
“[My body] has always just adapted and performed as I expect it to... [t]hen the day came and it all went sideways.”
Phineas is a constant source of joy in our family. Being his mother has changed so much about my life. I’ve been athletic my whole life and have always taken my health and strength somewhat for granted. My body was always reliable. It has always just adapted and performed as I expect it to. During my pregnancy it was no different. I was fortunate to be incredibly healthy and maintain the same level of activity until two weeks out. I continued to work my physical job around horses and rock climb in my maternity harness. I took pride in how fit I stayed. Every appointment showed Phin and I healthy. I was excited about delivery. We selected the perfect birth center, midwife, and doula. My husband and I were looking forward to meeting Phin in this peaceful environment with minimal interventions.
Then the day came and it all went sideways. Phin was not properly positioned. Everybody missed it. Labor stretched on for hours with no progress past stage 3. We transferred to the hospital during a massive flash flood that closed half the city. The second deviation in my birth plan was when I received Pitocin to jump start my contractions and an epidural because I couldn’t bear the pain any longer. With the hospital staff I’d never met and my doula we tried again for an hour to move Phin while he miraculously stayed stable. We tried so many positions but he wouldn’t move. Thirty-six hours after my water broke and 7 hours after I’d started pushing, I was wheeled off to the OR. I was sad but knew this was necessary for all of us.
“ I was disgusted with my body and the ways I felt it failed me.”
“ I wore little Phin for the first time. It was so comforting and felt so right.”
Unfortunately my journey to healing was not done. When I finally felt well enough to resume some of my activities like rock climbing, I knew something was wrong. I was diagnosed with a severe diastasis. I was crushed. For an active climbing mama these are the worst words to hear. It means no climbing for months as you rest and let your abdomen stitch back together. Start back too soon and all progress is lost. Again, I was mad at my body and how it had failed.