We are all in a different part of our journey to #holdbabieslovebodies. Davina tells us about how her son’s birth story and breastfeeding journey led her to #holdbabieslovebodies:
“It took me months to get over feeling like a failure, every time I heard someone say, “as long as the baby is healthy, right?”
I never had any set birth plans, never gave my OB any hard copies of written out wishes on how I want my labor to pan out. I did go in knowing I would like to give it my best shot with an unmedicated birth. I was able to put myself through that physical and mental challenge of dilating to 10 cm and pushing for hours, yet I still felt like I failed myself. I don’t think there was anything I could do to prepare myself for the “two labors” I endured. I ended up with a c-section after all my efforts since my little boy did not budge. It took me months to get over feeling like a failure, every time I heard someone say, “as long as the baby is healthy, right?” I felt like someone stabbed me in my gut. I felt robbed from my experience, with the antiemetic drugs they pushed through my IV, I was completely out during my son’s first breath in this world.
“I actually vaguely remember the first 48 hours of his life...”
“The day my nurse brought in a bottle of formula, I broke down into tears.”
“I went through months trying to process my feelings.”
While feeling internally annihilated, I did eventually come out on top. I joined a mom fitness group, when my son was 2 months old, more so for the company since my husband went way for military training. It took a lot for me to step out of my own comfort zone, I’m pretty introverted and I never worked out before. I didn’t do much talking in the beginning but it helped tremendously to hear other people with the same struggles. I love staying active, it gives me more energy to tackle the rest of my day with my crazy toddler. It’s also one hour I set aside for myself as self care.
“Looking back, I don’t know why I was drowning in so much self blame.”
I gave it my all from day one when I found out I was pregnant. Everything that contributed to my feelings were out of my control.