Setting Healthy Boundaries During the Holidays

The holidays are an incredibly joyous time for many people. You have an excuse to get together with friends and family you may not have seen for a long time. You exchange gifts, share delicious foods, and watch a new generation of playmates blossoming before your eyes. But the holidays can also be a stressful time. Maybe you feel pressure to see people you wouldn’t normally choose to see. Maybe you’re trying to declutter your home, only to be bombarded with well-meaning gifts that will add to the very problem you’re trying to solve. Maybe you have a new baby you don’t want to pass around to relatives and friends. Or maybe you’re putting unrealistic expectations on yourself to make the holidays “perfect” – whatever that is – for your family. No matter the reason for additional stress during this season, setting boundaries can help.

TL;DR: The holidays are a time of joy, but can come with pressure to impress others. Setting clear and consistent boundaries is a way of honoring yourself and your loved ones. It’s helpful to practice key phrases to use with others and positive self-talk with yourself. In the end, the only person you can control is you. You can use babywearing as a helpful boundary-setting or -reinforcing tool.

A family gathers in front of a Christmas tree for a posed picture. Two older family members sit in chairs in the front while a family of 5 - 2 adults and 3 children - stand behind. The mother wears the youngest child in a Lark on her front.

Boundaries: Our Favorite Emotional Dialect Key Phrases You Can Only Control Yourself Babywearing to the Rescue! Summary

Boundaries: Our Favorite Emotional Dialect

The internet is always going on about “gift-giving” or “words of affirmation,” but have you ever clearly communicated your needs and set a new standard for yourself and your family’s relationships with others? Life changing. “Boundaries” can sound like a scary word, especially to anyone who didn’t grow up with reasonably communicated expectations, but setting clear and consistent boundaries can help in all types of relationships. You can show the important people in your life that you care by communicating your needs with them upfront, rather than hoping they can read your mind and getting upset when they ultimately can’t. By being consistent with your needs, you’re clearly stating your comfort level with people and situations and preparing those people for the reactions they should expect from you if they don’t respect your reasonable requests.

A woman stands outside while wearing an infant on her front in a ring sling. She smiles and opens her arms towards a toddler running to her in the foreground.

Key Phrases

Here are some helpful phrases and sentence starters for setting boundaries around the holidays:

We appreciate the invitation, but we are celebrating at home with just the immediate family.
Thank you so much for offering to buy us gifts. We’re trying to downsize and declutter, so we would appreciate gifts of experience over physical things.
We are so excited to introduce our baby to our friends and family. We will be asking everyone to wash their hands before they hold them. OR We will be keeping them in a carrier, but you can blow them kisses or play peek-a-boo.
We can’t wait to celebrate with you at your holiday dinner. Our family does not eat XYZ. Will there be options available to us or should we plan to bring a dish to share?
We are looking forward to your holiday party. We will have to leave by X time to get everyone home and snuggled in their beds. Bedtime is non-negotiable in our house.
We’ve decided we’re not doing screentime with our young children. We’re happy to do other activities or leave when others are ready for a movie.

A woman smiles down at her baby worn on her front in a Lark. A man stands behind her and holds her shoulder gently while also smiling down at the baby.

Here are some additional self-talk suggestions, since setting boundaries with yourself can be just as important as setting boundaries with others:

I am only one person.
I can ask for help when I need it.
I can rely on others who have shown me I can trust them in the past.
I can choose who and what I spend time, money, and effort on.
“No” is a complete answer. I don’t owe anyone an explanation for my choices.
I am doing what I think is best with the knowledge I have for myself and my family.
I will only spend X this year.
My children will love me even if XYZ (e.g. the tree isn’t overflowing with gifts; we don’t go on a vacation; they only get one small thing each night of Hanukkah; etc.).
I will get X amount of sleep on the nights leading up to the holidays. This means I may have to plan ahead or manage expectations.

A woman smiles down at her baby worn on her front in a Lark. They are standing on a sidewalk.

You Can Only Control Yourself

It’s important to remember when setting boundaries that you can only control yourself. Consistent and clear boundaries should help improve your relationships and may even lead to some behavioral changes in others. However, not everyone will respect your boundaries or change. Your boundaries and expectations should always come back to how you will react whether or not people respect what you’ve told them. For example, imagine you’ve set a boundary with your extended family around screentime and your children. If you discover your extended family members crossing that boundary, you can remind everyone of your boundary. But it is ultimately up to you to provide another activity for your child or leave the family gathering. Then you can re-evaluate your own boundaries around screentime or around seeing those family members. People should respect your boundaries, but you need to decide what you’ll do if they don’t. Likewise, you’ll have to plan for how you’ll handle another family’s boundaries or parenting styles that may not align with yours.

A family wears matching red outfits and poses for a Christmas picture. The woman wears a baby on her front in a ring sling.

Babywearing to the Rescue!

Luckily, babywearing is a great resource for upholding some of these boundaries. Don’t want lots of people interacting with your infant? Wear them in a ring sling or baby wrap. Your toddler is having their third meltdown in the toy aisle but you still have shopping to do? Throw them in a Kid Lark. Your extended family is watching Die Hard in front of your baby and toddler? Put them both in meh dais and go for a walk. Bonus points for playing I Spy with holiday decorations around the neighborhood.

A woman smiles down at her baby whom she wears in a ring sling on her hip. The baby looks off past the camera.

Summary

The holidays are a joyous time, but can come with more pressure than normal.

Setting clear and consistent boundaries is a way of honoring yourself, your family, and your loved ones.

It's helpful to practice key phrases to use with others before you're in a situation that could test your boundaries.

It's also important to practice positive self-talk and to respect the boundaries you set for yourself.

In the end, you can only control yourself. Be ready with the actions you will take if the people in your life overstep your boundaries or if you're presented with other people's expectations.

Use babywearing as a helpful boundary-setting or boundary-reinforcing tool.